[ There's something painful in the words, a different kind than the pain from having to recall all the things he spoke of a moment ago, delving into the well of pain left in the wake of mister Miyagi's death. Or maybe it's a pain that comes from seeing Robby like this - a young boy, and already so full of pain. Caused by adults who screwed up. (Daniel was one of those adults.)
Or maybe it's the deep and sad feeling that's been soaking into his limbs for a while now that's making this feel even heavier. After all - what does Daniel have right now? Even without taking being dragged into this city into consideration, he's lost everything. The dojo is closed. Amanda's about to divorce him and take the kids. He got his ass handed to him by his worst nightmare, by the person who's haunted Daniel's every nightmare over the past decades.
It makes it so tempting to just give up. We lost something good, Robby says, and it applies to basically everything in Daniel's life right now. Why try anymore? Trying only makes him screw up more, dragging other people and their feelings and hurt along into the messiness.
But this is the thing, isn't it? Daniel stares sideways at Robby, at the way the boy seems on the verge of tears, and Daniel can't give up. Yes, he's terrified of hurting Robby again, but maybe the worst kind of hurt he could give the boy would be to give up on him entirely. ]
We did. [ He acknowledges, letting his phone read it out, and then pauses to instead let his hand land on Robby's leg, giving his knee a tiny squeeze. It rests there a moment, Daniel still looking at Robby, regardless of whether or not the boy does look back at him. (If Robby looks, he'll see a similar feeling reflected in Daniel's eyes. Pain, mostly, but definitely more than a little bit of guilt on his end too. Because I got too mad at the wrong time, Robby says, and yeah, Daniel sure knows about that, since shattering Robby's heart feels like a terrible thing on the level of shattering someone's back.)
It's only after that pause he pulls his hand back to use it to type again. ]
But that doesn't mean there is nothing left. Even if things might not be the same, there is always the chance for something new.
[ The bonsai he broke, the guilt he felt over it, the descending spiral of realising that he broke it and that it was never going to be the same again-- until mister Miyagi showed it healing to him. Strong root, just like you, Daniel-san.
Daniel hopes right now, more than ever, that mister Miyagi was right about him. It never really felt that way.
He sucks in a deep breath. ]
I still want to be there for you. If you would let me. [ The choice is Robby's, after all. Sure - he missed Daniel, which is already more of a sentiment than Daniel thought he'd ever get, let alone deserve, but it's not like Robby doesn't have the full right to walk away if he'd want to. After all Daniel put him through-- after Robby only finding him again like this. Drunk. A mess. ] I want to make sure you are safe in this place.
[ There's some irony when a clearly injured man who was found drunk is the one saying that, yes, but it's not like he means it any less for it. ]
I want to spend time with you again.
[ .. he pauses, his lips pressing a little tighter together before adding: ]
I want to prove to you I can do better this time. [ Better by Robby. Isn't that what matters? ]
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Or maybe it's the deep and sad feeling that's been soaking into his limbs for a while now that's making this feel even heavier. After all - what does Daniel have right now? Even without taking being dragged into this city into consideration, he's lost everything. The dojo is closed. Amanda's about to divorce him and take the kids. He got his ass handed to him by his worst nightmare, by the person who's haunted Daniel's every nightmare over the past decades.
It makes it so tempting to just give up. We lost something good, Robby says, and it applies to basically everything in Daniel's life right now. Why try anymore? Trying only makes him screw up more, dragging other people and their feelings and hurt along into the messiness.
But this is the thing, isn't it? Daniel stares sideways at Robby, at the way the boy seems on the verge of tears, and Daniel can't give up. Yes, he's terrified of hurting Robby again, but maybe the worst kind of hurt he could give the boy would be to give up on him entirely. ]
We did. [ He acknowledges, letting his phone read it out, and then pauses to instead let his hand land on Robby's leg, giving his knee a tiny squeeze. It rests there a moment, Daniel still looking at Robby, regardless of whether or not the boy does look back at him. (If Robby looks, he'll see a similar feeling reflected in Daniel's eyes. Pain, mostly, but definitely more than a little bit of guilt on his end too. Because I got too mad at the wrong time, Robby says, and yeah, Daniel sure knows about that, since shattering Robby's heart feels like a terrible thing on the level of shattering someone's back.)
It's only after that pause he pulls his hand back to use it to type again. ]
But that doesn't mean there is nothing left. Even if things might not be the same, there is always the chance for something new.
[ The bonsai he broke, the guilt he felt over it, the descending spiral of realising that he broke it and that it was never going to be the same again-- until mister Miyagi showed it healing to him. Strong root, just like you, Daniel-san.
Daniel hopes right now, more than ever, that mister Miyagi was right about him. It never really felt that way.
He sucks in a deep breath. ]
I still want to be there for you. If you would let me. [ The choice is Robby's, after all. Sure - he missed Daniel, which is already more of a sentiment than Daniel thought he'd ever get, let alone deserve, but it's not like Robby doesn't have the full right to walk away if he'd want to. After all Daniel put him through-- after Robby only finding him again like this. Drunk. A mess. ] I want to make sure you are safe in this place.
[ There's some irony when a clearly injured man who was found drunk is the one saying that, yes, but it's not like he means it any less for it. ]
I want to spend time with you again.
[ .. he pauses, his lips pressing a little tighter together before adding: ]
I want to prove to you I can do better this time. [ Better by Robby. Isn't that what matters? ]